(LUNCH INVITATION AND WEDDING CEREMONY IN ISLAM)
In this era, many young Muslims have lost the right path of Islam on marriage seal (Maher), wedding lunch and wedding ceremony by adopting Western Culture style and that is why divorce and family separation are on the rise as Islamic values of marriage are not followed to have it blessed by Allah (S.W.T).
The lunch invitation and wedding ceremony consist of a food reception (Waleema) and wedding celebration which follow the fulfillment of a new marriage in order to make the marriage public. The Islamic view is that the Nikah Ceremony is usually private while the Lunch Invitation and Wedding Ceremony are considered public in which the community, especially women and children, participates. The food reception for the wedding is offered by the parents of the married couple or by the newly married groom himself. Friends, relatives, and neighbors, both rich and poor of the community, are usually invited to the marriage feast. The purpose of the wedding lunch invitation is for family and friends to share in the happiness of the married couple on the occasion of their marriage and to give thanks to Allah (S.W.T) and ask Him to bless the new marriage. It is Sunnah that Islamic weddings are announced publicly and all are recommended to give a feast (Wedding Lunch) for the blessing of the new marriage. The cost of the wedding feast or lunch invitation should be affordable.
Anas Bin Malik (R.A) narrated: Allah’s Messenger (S.A.W) saw the trace of Sufra (yellow perfume) on Abdur-Rahman Bin Auf and said: “What is this? There upon, he said: “Allah’s Messenger, I have married a woman for a date-stone’s weight of gold (nawat).” He (S.A.W) said: “Allah bless you! Hold a wedding feast, even if only with a sheep.” (Sahih Al-Bukhari 5153, Sahih Muslim 1427).
Family members, friends, neighbors, and the poor are invited to the Wedding Feast. It is very important to remember not to invite only the wealthy or the powerful and ignore the poor.
Abu Hurairah (R.A) narrated: Allah’s Messenger (S.A.W) used to say: “The worst kind of food is the wedding feast to which the rich are invited and the poor are ignored. And he who refuses to come to the feast after invited, disobeys Allah and His Messenger.” (Sahih Al-Bukhari 5177, Sahih Muslim 1432).
Abdullah Bin Umar (R.A) narrated: The Prophet (S.A.W) said: “When one of you is invited to a Wedding Feast, he must attend it.” (Sahih Al-Bukhari 5173, Sahih Muslim 1429).
At the end of the feast, the guests do pray for the groom and his bride and ask Allah (S.W.T) to bless them together with all that is good. For wedding party or celebration, people should avoid spending extravagantly or going to extremes in showing off expensive wedding parties because that may damage the blessing of the marriage. A groom should not feel obligated to have an extravagant marriage celebration as this is also a financial burden that could leave him in debt for years to come. Wedding party should not involve excess or wastefulness of wealth which is forbidden at all times in Islam. Beginning newly married life with a huge debt because of an extravagant expensive wedding party is unlikely to give the groom and the bride the best start. The parents, poor relatives and poor people deserve to have the money wasted on expensive weddings in order to get reward from Allah (S.W.T) and to have their marriage blessed.
Allah (S.W.T) says: “And give the relative his right, and (also) the poor and the traveler, and do not spend wastefully.” Indeed, the spendthrifts are brothers of the Devils, and the Satan is ever ungrateful to his Lord.” [Surah Al-Isra, Verses: 26 and 27].
Expensive dowries and extravagant wedding parties are things that are contrary to Islamic laws and teachings. The most blessed marriage in Islam is that which is affordable and easy. The less the expenses are, the greater the blessings are for new marriage. In most cases, the brides are to blame for the expensive wedding parties because they are the ones who force and pressure their grooms to pay for expensive parties that are not allowed in Islam and that is not afforded. Many brides force their grooms to make expensive wedding parties for them claiming that so and so had such and such in her wedding party and so on.
Uqba Ibn Amir (R.A) narrated: The Messenger of Allah (S.A.W) said: “The best marriage is the easiest one.” (Sunan Abi Dawud 2117, Sahih, Bulugh Al-Maram 1036, Sahih).
Sahel Bin Sa’ad (R.A) narrated: The Prophet (S.A.W) said to a man: “Marry, even with (a Mahr equal to) an iron ring.” (Sahih Al-Bukhari 5150, Bulugh Al-Maram 1034, Sahih).
Allah (S.W.T) praises those who when they spend are not extravagant nor stingy (miser) but choose between the two as moderation is an important component of Islamic life. Islam urges moderation in all matters of life and it is important to keep this in mind.
Allah (S.W.T) says: “And those, who, when they spend, are neither extravagant nor stingy (miser), but hold a medium (way) between those (extremes).” [Surah Al-Furqan. Verse: 67].
What is required in such matters is to act in the way stated in Islam and not overstep that line or be extravagant because Allah (S.W.T) has forbidden extravagance and He does not like those who waste wealth by extravagance or wastefulness. Young people should be aware of that all the time if they want to have blessed marriage.
Holding on one another physically of male and female traditional singers that are not married to each other violates Islamic laws of decency. Traditional male and female singers singing together should not touch each other physically if they are not married legally together and they should be in proper Islamic clothing. Women wearing revealing, tight dress, or short clothes and without covering their hair in front of men at weddings is also violation of Islamic dress code. Both men and women must wear proper Islamic dress during wedding celebrations and sit separately. The traditional celebration they sing should not contain offensive words that violate the Islamic code of decency and manners. Islamic standards of morality must be followed in wedding celebration occasions or any other similar celebrations.
Allah (S.W.T) says: “And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things) and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts) and not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent (like face and palms of hands) and to draw their veils over their chests (their heads, bodies, necks etc.) and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husband’s fathers, their sons, their husband’s sons, their brothers or their brother’s sons, or their sister’s sons …..” [Surah An-Nur, Verse: 31].
The idea of bringing in an expensive musical band to Muslim wedding parties is not recommended in Islam because it is waste of wealth. And the idea of inviting Muslim boys and girls to such wedding parties dancing and singing together, holding hands on each other physically is absolutely prohibited in Islam because it is indecent act.
Abu Malik Ash’ari (R.A) reported that he heard The Messenger of Allah (S.A.W) say: “From among my followers, there will be some people who will make illegal sexual intercourse, the wearing of silk, the drinking of alcoholic drinks, and the use of musical instruments lawful.” (Sahih Al-Bukhari 5590).
Islam bans listening to sexually oriented songs sung by male and female together and physically touching each other. Naturally, such acts could mentally influence normal people to commit unlawful, banned sexual acts. In fact, Muslim scholars of early generations described sexually motivating songs as the essential means for committing sexual sins such as fornication or adultery.
The groom and the bride should know that the more the teachings of Islam are respected and followed in the wedding party, the more blessed their marriage and their children will be, the more love and harmony there will be between them, and the less problems they will encounter or face in their marital life.
The best and the most blessed wedding is the one in which the lunch invitation is made during the day, Qur’an is recited and prayers are held in the new home in the evening, and then the groom and the bride move into their home and receive visitors who congratulate them in the week of wedding.
[Class Taken From The Book: LIVING IN ISLAM On Marriage and Family]
Preparer: Ibrahim Hassan Gagale
May 5, 2022